| "What is your problem?"
asked her mother in an angry voice. Sixteen year old Lynn was fighting hard to hold back the tears.
She couldn't even answer, but stared at the ground.
"I know your stepfather is hard to get along with." Lynn, running her fingers through her long, blond hair, muttered
in a contemptuous voice, "That's an understatement!"
Finally, when her mother saw she wasn't going to have any
meaningful dialogue with her daughter, she turned away from
her and headed toward her bedroom door. Unable to hide her
irritation, she exclaimed before she exited, "You two
had just better learn how to get along!"
After shutting the door, Lynn threw herself on her bed and
buried her face in her pillow crying, "Never, never!" When Lynn was seven her mother and father had divorced. Her
father had remarried soon after and hardly ever came to visit
Lynn and her older brother Raymond. Because child support
payments were few and far between, Lynn's mother had to work
to support them.
But that changed when her mother married Charles. Lynn was
twelve at the time and at first they were a happy family.
Unfortunately their happiness was short lived.
Charles was a reformed alcoholic and had been free of his
addiction for almost three years. But he had read some new
findings which stated it was seemingly possible for some alcoholics
to go back to drinking moderately.
One drink was all it took for the former "nice guy"
to become a monster.
It started with verbal abuse. The dinner hour, which had been
an enjoyable occasion, became vexing ordeals. Charles was
miserable when he drank, and when he was drunk it seemed like
his only joy was making the people around him miserable.
Many times Lynn's brother Raymond would leave his half-finished
dinner and storm out of the house in a fit of rage. Raymond
was eighteen and he had his own car so he had the luxury of
being able to get away. But that left Lynn and her mother
to take the brunt of Charles' drunken fury.
One night, after an especially bitter argument between Raymond
and Charles, Raymond slammed the door behind him when he left.
Charles, looking half-crazed, demanded his wife tell him whose
side she was on concerning the previous argument between himself
and Raymond.
In defense of Raymond, she responded, "Why don't you
just leave the boy alone?" Her answer only infuriated him more and he took the back of
his hand and slapped her across the face. Both Lynn and her
mother were shocked. Charles had never shown any tendency
toward violence.
As her mother got up from the table in tears, he yelled after
her calling her vulgar names. Lynn sat in her chair, paralyzed
by fear, terrified that she might be the next object of his
wrath. In a scornful voice, he asked, "And what about you?
What
do you think?"
Her heart was pounding. Her palms were sweaty. In a very quiet
voice, she answered, "Raymond was wrong."
"Well, I'm glad there is one person with some sense in
this family."
"May I be excused?"
"No, you may not be excused. I want to finish my dinner
and I don't want to finish it alone. Look at your plate, you
haven't touched a thing on it. Eat up!"
It was a colossal effort to get down the next few morsels
of food. She was hoping so much he would let her go. Instead
he started talking and the more he talked the more uncomfortable
she became.
Lynn was an extremely pretty girl who looked much older than
her twelve years. Charles made it clear to her that her physical
maturity and attractiveness had not escaped his attention. At that point he got up from his chair and walked behind her,
putting his hands on her shoulders.
That night as Lynn lay weeping in her bed, she wished she
could die. She felt so dirty! How could he have done that
to her? Unfortunately, this incident was not to be her last. Many
times Lynn became the target of her stepfather's abuse.
Finally when Lynn was fifteen she tried to tell her mother,
but instead of the response she wanted, her mother stopped
her from talking when she could see where the conversation
was heading and she said, "Lynn, I know your stepfather
is unbearable when he drinks too much, but he is my only source
of income. My arthritis bothers me so, I couldn't bear the
thought of having to go back to work." Then with a "please-understand"
look on her face, she said, "I am going to talk to him."
Lynn knew that talking was not the answer. Who had pleaded
with him more than her? Lynn spent another sleepless night crying her heart out. She
had no one to turn to, not even her mother!
Soon Lynn's thoughts were filled with ways to do away with
her stepfather. But in her heart she knew she could never
bring herself to do anything violent. And she couldn't turn
him into the authorities because that would leave her mother
without anyone to support her.
The only real solution she saw was to run away. But she knew
if she ran away, she might be opening herself up to even more
pain and heartache. She knew that a lot of teenage girls had
to turn to prostitution in order to survive and Lynn would
rather be dead than do that. It was one thing to be forced
to do something and it was another to do it voluntarily.
She felt she had no choice but to wait until she was sixteen
and then try to make it on her own. When she did turn sixteen, things seemed to be going smoothly
and she was hoping maybe her stepfather had changed. She really
didn't relish the idea of facing the world on her own.
But one night after a particularly verbal exchange between
her and her stepfather, she had gone to her room in a rage.
Her mother followed her and tried to fix the blame on Lynn
for their disagreement. When her mother left her room in an
huff and exclaimed, "You two had just better learn how
to get along!" it was just too much for Lynn to bear.
With her face buried in her pillow, amidst an ocean of tears,
she determined to run away just before daybreak. She packed everything she could into her knapsack and anxiously
waited for the clock to say 5 o'clock.
At 5 o'clock sharp, she quietly snuck out of the house and
headed to the Grey Hound station. She had only $65.00 to her
name, but she knew she had enough to leave Miami and go to
Fort Lauderdale and at least get a room for the night. After
that she didn't know what she was going to do.
After having breakfast at a small diner in downtown Fort Lauderdale,
she decided she had better start looking for a job. She was
thankful that she looked eighteen or nineteen because no one
would question her about why she wasn't in school. She figured
that she could work as a waitress and that way she would have
immediate money from tips.
Finding a job was a lot harder than she thought. She only
had so much money and she wanted to conserve as much as possible.
Walking from one restaurant to another soon wore her out both
mentally and physically.
Life seemed so difficult!
After six hours of searching, she finally landed a job at
a Denny's. The manager was happy to hire her when he found
out that she wanted to work the night shift. She was thankful
that at least for the time being she would be in a safe place
at night.
Things were going smoothly for a while. She rented a room
in someone's house for $75.00 a week and was making ends meet.
Then the manager at Denny's approached her and informed her
that she had accidently put down the wrong social security
number on her job application form and asked her for the right
one.
Lynn could feel her face flushing and she was trying very
hard to act innocent. "Oh," she said, "I don't
have my card with me, I'll bring it in with me tomorrow night."
Of course she knew there would be no tomorrow night.
As she left work in the morning hours, she left with a heavy
heart. She knew the drudgery of looking for a job would repeat
itself over again and again until she was eighteen. She was
aware that the false information she was putting down on the
job applications would be detected in time so she knew she
would only be able to stay at a job so long.
But then she thought about what she had left and knew it would
be worth it no matter how much she suffered. Her search for a new job became more of a nightmare than she
could have imagined. After six days of fruitless effort, she
ran out of money and wasn't able to make the weekly payment
on her room. As she walked down Federal Highway with all her
belongings in her knapsack, she could no longer contain her
emotions and started crying. Two young women approached her
and asked her if she was okay. She tried hard to stop crying,
but the more she tried the more she lost control. One of the
women, who introduced herself as Sarah, asked if she was a
runaway.
When Lynn didn't answer, the woman said, "Look, my friend
and I work for a place that helps kids like you. Do you want
us to take you there?"
Desperate for help, she agreed. That night she was in a safe
place with kids just like herself. She couldn't believe how
many kids had also suffered at the hands of an abusive parent.
It was while she was there that she decided that she wanted
to finish high school and become a nurse. It was so exiting for her when she enrolled at Broward Community
College and started the process of becoming a nurse. One day
after class, one of her classmates, Elaine Parsons, was talking
with her and asked, "Do you study the Bible, by any chance?"
"No, not really. Why do you ask?"
"I go to a Bible study in Pompano and I thought you might
be interested in going with me sometime." "Maybe." Elaine then asked, "Have you ever wondered if you're
going to heaven." "I hope so. Doesn't everyone?" "I used to wonder too, but now I know."
Lynn looked at Elaine, surprised she was so self-righteous.
Funny, she had never struck her like that. Elaine, sensing Lynn's reaction, explained, "The reason
I know I'm going to heaven is because it has nothing to do
with how I've lived my life. In fact, if I got what I deserved,
I'd end up in hell."
Now Lynn was totally confused. On one hand Elaine said she
knew she was going to heaven and on the other hand she said
she was worthy of hell. All Lynn could say was, "I don't
understand."
Elaine continued, "The whole reason Jesus died on the
cross was to pay for our sins. We don't go to heaven because
of what we do, but because of what He did for us. Eternal
life is not a reward we earn by our good deeds, it is a gift
that Christ purchased with His life."
"I never looked at it that way before. So what do we
do to go to heaven?"
Elaine pulled out a small New Testament from her purse and
showed her a verse from the Gospel of John. It was a quotation
of Christ's which said, "He who believes on Me has eternal
life."
Lynn read it over a couple of times because she couldn't believe
He really said faith in Him was the only requirement for heaven.
Then she asked, "Is it really that simple?"
"Yes. If you were drowning and someone saved you, it
would be hard work for the person pulling you in to shore,
but easy for you. The reason Christ is called a Savior is
because He did all that was necessary to get us to heaven."
"Gee, that does make sense."
Elaine continued, "Did you realize that if a person is
believing in Christ and is trying to get to heaven by being
good, he'll never make it?"
That sounded really strange to Lynn, but she simply responded,
"Really?"
Elaine explained that as long as a person thinks he has to
do more than believe in Christ then that person is putting
his faith in himself, instead of Christ. Lynn could see that.
"The reason to be good," explained Elaine, "is
so that you can be rewarded by God on earth and in heaven.
"God promises to answer your prayers and make you happy
if you serve Him."
The thought of being happy really peaked Lynn's interest.
She had thought up to this moment that the only place she
could ever be happy was heaven. As she studied Elaine's face,
Lynn could see that talking about the Bible was making Elaine
happy. There was a brightness in her eyes that she had never
seen in anyone else before.
Elaine opened up her Bible again and showed her a verse from
Psalms which said, "Delight yourself also in the Lord
and He will give you the desires of your heart."
Lynn had no greater desire than to be happy and she was interested
in doing whatever it took to get happiness. After they had finished their conversation and Lynn had the
same confidence that Elaine did that she was going to heaven,
she accepted Elaine's offer to go to a Bible study with her
the following evening.
The Bible study was an informal gathering which met in a home.
The teacher was a young man named Tony. Lynn had gone to a
lot of different churches, but she never had met a group of
people like this. It was so obvious that they were genuinely
happy.
Tony explained that trusting Christ as your Savior changes
your destiny, not your life. Having a changed life was conditioned
upon the obedience of the believer. Even though eternal life
is a free gift, the abundant life is a reward.
Tony explained, "Once you know you are going to heaven,
you are left here on earth for the purpose of doing work for
God. Ephesians 2:10 says, "For we are His workmanship,
created inn Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared
beforehand, that we should walk in them."
"Now whether you chose to do anything for God or not
cannot affect your eternal destiny since the moment you trusted
Christ you were saved from hell, not put on probation. But
God wants you to have a meaningful, happy life. Jesus said,
`I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly.'
"There are certain things that God commands all His children
to do such as read the Bible, pray, and tell others how to
go to heaven."
Lynn had been listening intently up to this moment and had
been enjoying listening to Tony, but she had no idea that
serving the Lord entailed talking to people about the Bible.
She was a shy, reserved person; she really didn't think she
was cut out for that.
It was just like Tony had read her mind. He said, "Now
I know some of you are thinking you really aren't cut out
for the work of spreading the Gospel - but you know what?
None of us are.
"When you placed your faith in Christ, He not only saved
you from hell, but He also put within you His Holy Spirit.
It is only because believers have the Holy Spirit that they
have the power to be witnesses for Christ."
After he showed in the Bible where it is the responsibility
of all those who know they are going to heaven to tell others
the Gospel so they can also believe in Christ and go to heaven,
he showed where it says that God empowers His children to
carry out His work.
It was then that Lynn determined that she was willing to do
whatever it took so she could have the same happiness these
people had and if that meant approaching total strangers and
explaining to them how to go to heaven, she was willing to
do it. After Bible study she asked Elaine if she could accompany
her when she went to talk to people about the Bible.
After classes the next day, Elaine drove to a park and together
they approached children playing, teenagers who were hanging
around, and a few adults. Lynn was taken back by how many
people really did want to hear about how to go to heaven and
how many believed. Even though she only listened, she felt
like she was involved in something really important. By the
time they left the park, she felt wonderful and told Elaine
how she felt.
Lynn exclaimed, "That was so neat! Can we get together
tomorrow too?"
"Sure, but you may feel differently tomorrow." Confused, she asked, "Why do you think that?" Elaine smiled, "I just wanted to warn you. I remember
how I felt the first day I went out to talk to people. I felt
great and expected those feelings to last. But it doesn't
work like that"
Slightly disappointed, she asked, "How does it work?"
"Lynn, everyone of us have a nature which we inherited
from Adam and Eve. It is a nature which is opposed to obeying
God; it just doesn't want to submit to God. And as you know
from last night's Bible study, when you trusted Christ to
be your Savior, God gave you His Holy Spirit who now lives
within you. He is our only source of goodness. So a Christian
is a person with two natures; an old nature and a new. When
you want to serve the Lord, your old nature will fight against
your doing the right thing. But if you determine to obey God,
no matter how you feel, then you are allowing the Holy Spirit
to control you and you will experience the kind of feelings
you have today.
"I'm just warning you that when tomorrow comes, you will
have a battle to face."
After saying that, Elaine opened her Bible to Galatians 5:17,
and let Lynn read it for herself. She read, "For the
desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires
of the Spirit are against the flesh: for these are opposed
to each other, to prevent you from doing what you would."
After Lynn read it aloud a couple of times, trying to understand
it, Elaine said, "It's saying that the flesh, meaning
our fallen human nature, wars against the Spirit controlling
our lives and the Spirit wars the old nature controlling our
lives. "Imagine two people living within you fighting
to have control of your life. If you were to starve one and
feed the other then it would just be a matter of time until
the strong one would be the dominating force in your life.
"When I first started serving the Lord two years ago,
it was a real struggle to obey God, but the more I obeyed,
the easier it became until now it's no longer a struggle,
but a pleasure. I just want you to know that the key to victory
is obedience."
Lynn was soon to discover for herself first hand the struggle
which Elaine had told her about. The following morning when she awoke all the excitement and
the enthusiasm of the preceding day had disappeared. She knew
that it was important to spend some time reading the Bible
in the morning, but she had absolutely no desire to do so
and the thought of going out talking to people about the Gospel
seemed completely unappealing. Oh well, maybe she'd feel differently
later.
She didn't, and as the school day was coming closer and closer
to ending, she was trying harder and harder to think of a
way to get out of going with Elaine that day.
When Elaine approached her after class, she could tell by
Lynn's expression that she wasn't dealing with the same young
woman she had the previous day.
Lynn, feeling very uncomfortable, said, "Elaine, I'm
really sorry, but I'm not going to be able to go with you
today."
"Is it because you don't feel like it?" Lynn had hoped so much that Elaine wouldn't question her.
She wasn't quite sure how to respond, but before she had a
chance, Elaine asked, "That is the reason, isn't it?"
"Well, yes."
"Didn't I warn you that you'd feel this way?" Lynn answered, "Why don't we plan on getting together
tomorrow?" "Lynn," she pleaded, "please trust me. If you
don't go with me today, you're going to feel even less like
it tomorrow."
Lynn made a face and Elaine continued, "Didn't you tell
me you were willing to do anything to be happy? Come with
me today and you'll feel completely different than you do
now."
Lynn really didn't want to go, but Elaine was persistent enough
to convince her to come for just an half hour. After an half hour at the park, Lynn said, "I feel like
such a fool. Everything you said about how I would feel this
morning was true and what you said I'd feel like if I came
with you is true. I really do feel different.
"Let's talk to some more people. I do want to stay with
you longer."
As they finished their time at the park, Lynn was even happier
than she had been the previous evening. She told Elaine and
asked how long it would take until she would feel like this
all the time. She wondered when she could expect the struggle
to subside.
"Don't get discouraged, but it could take months. Just
remember, the more you obey God, the stronger your spiritual
nature becomes. And as it gets stronger, the old nature gets
weaker." Lynn sighed, "I can hardly wait." Elaine smiled and said, "Be sure when you get up tomorrow
to spend some time reading your Bible. That's how you feed
your new nature."
"Don't worry, I will." She then laughed and said,
"I guess I shouldn't be so emphatic. Let's just say I
plan on doing it, no matter how I feel in the morning."
"I'll be praying for you."
"Thanks."
Even though Lynn got discouraged at times and felt like a
real failure, with the love and support from her new friends
at Bible study, she kept plodding along, hoping and praying
for the day when she didn't have to go through these battles.
As the months went by, not only did the intensity of her battles
diminish, but her happiness reached new heights that she didn't
even think existed. One lady she was witnessing to, said,
"You're in love aren't you? I can tell by your face."
Lynn got a kick out of that, considering she didn't even have
a boyfriend.
Lynn knew she was having a little taste of what we're going
to feel like in heaven.
She was thankful she had chosen nursing as a career because
she figured she would have ample opportunities to talk to
people at the hospital. After graduating and starting work
at North Broward Hospital, she had many opportunities to talk
to patients about the Gospel.
But work at the hospital was very exhausting, both physically
and mentally. She felt drained. Sometimes she would come home
and sink into the couch. Normally she would spend time reading
her Bible, but she felt like escaping without having to use
her mind. The T.V. was an obvious outlet.
She felt guilty at first, but considering how hard she worked,
she figured God would understand. But other things began to
slip in her life. She knew that it was important to start
the day with prayer and Bible reading, but instead she was
using the time she normally spent for morning devotions sleeping.
And then Tim came into her life. Tim was an intern at the
hospital. He was 6'2" with dark wavy hair, blue eyes
and a mustache. All the nurses had a crush on him.
One day Sophia, the charge nurse on the floor Lynn worked
on, said to her, "You know, I've noticed Tim looking
at you. I think he's interested." Lynn could feel herself blushing and she muttered, "I
doubt it." "Lynn, why wouldn't he like you? You're gorgeous." Lynn was extremely embarrassed and laughed nervously.
Sophia was correct about Tim liking Lynn. Shortly thereafter
he approached her and asked her out for dinner. Lynn felt flustered. Ever since she had started serving the
Lord, she had dated only other believers. She knew the command
not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers.
When she hesitated in answering him, he said, "How 'bout
we just get together for coffee?" That suited Lynn just fine. This way she could present the
Gospel to him and if he believed and was interested in serving
the Lord, then perhaps a dinner date was in the works.
As they sat in the coffee shop together, Lynn felt very comfortable
with Tim. He was much more than just a good doctor, he really
cared about people and was consumed with doing everything
in his power to help alleviate human suffering.
Lynn felt drawn to this young man as she had never felt towards
anyone before.
Lynn concluded that their conversation wasn't really conducive
to the subject of God, so she decided to wait for another
opportunity. She figured there would be plenty of time for
that.
She agreed to have dinner with him and they had a wonderful
time, but again she put off talking to him about the Gospel. It became a chore to read and pray. She was consumed by her
feelings for Tim. When she wasn't working she found it hard
to think about anything besides him.
It was Lynn's regular habit to spend her days off with Elaine
so they could reach people with the Gospel. As Lynn offered
one excuse after another, Elaine knew her friend was slipping
further and further away from the Lord. Elaine tried to talk
to her, and so did Tony, but to no avail.
Lynn started to feel badly about not having shared the Gospel
with Tim so she determined the next time they were on a date,
she would broach the subject. After dinner she asked, "Tim,
have you ever wondered if you were going to heaven or not?"
"No, as a matter of fact I haven't. My interest is in
the here and now. I want to make this world a better place
for my having been here. I've found a lot of religious people
are so heavenly minded, they're no earthly good." With
those words he reached across the table and put his hands
on her hers, gazed into her eyes, and said, "Lynn, you
are so beautiful."
That was the first and last time she ever brought up the subject.
It was obvious he had no interest in religious matters and
at this point in Lynn's life she was more concerned with what
Tim thought of her than what God thought of her. Her love
for him became her consuming passion.
Almost a year passed when Tim asked Lynn to be his wife. She
was so happy she was crying when she accepted. Fairy tales
do come true, she thought.
The next day at work she was anxious to tell the other nurses
the news of their engagement. Lynn's joy was tempered by one
of her patients, a young woman who was dying of cancer. Maria
was only twenty-five years old and for the last year she had
been on chemotherapy. She just recently had come under Lynn's
care. Lynn was especially fond of Maria; she was so brave
and never complained in spite of all the suffering she was
enduring.
When Lynn went in her room to change her I.V. bag, she told
her about herself and Tim. Maria expressed her happiness and
smiled. How it hurt Lynn to see this woman trapped in a body
which was slowly squeezing the life out of her. Maria was
only two years older than Lynn, but chemotherapy treatments
made her look twenty years older. Lynn could see that time
was running out for sweet Maria.
Lynn knew that Maria was going to be facing eternity soon
and even though it had been several months since Lynn had
shared the Gospel, she consider doing it now. But she lacked the courage to bring up the subject of heaven
to this dying woman.
Everyday, Maria's strength diminished and Lynn's guilt intensified.
The thought of her going to hell really bothered her. Lynn
knew she had to tell her the Gospel.
On her day off, she got a call from Eileen, a nurse who told
her that Maria was fading fast and she was asking for her.
Lynn quickly got to her side and Maria was barely able to
speak. Lynn put her arms around her and put her ear to her
mouth. In labored breathing and barely audible, Maria said,
"You have been so good to me. Thank you."
With those words, she expired. Lynn's grief was magnified beyond belief, knowing she had
let Maria slip into eternity without telling her the Gospel.
When Tim called Lynn that night to get together, she told
him she was sick. She was so consumed with guilt she couldn't
eat and just wanted to be alone. She cried herself to sleep
that night and many nights to follow. She knew she couldn't
explain what she was going through to Tim, so she was forced
to suffer in silence.
He kept inquiring what was bugging her and her only response
would be "nothing". Finally Tim told her, "Lynn, you're not the person you
used to be. You always have excuses not to get together. I
feel like we're growing apart." Sighing deeply, he said,
"You're not the person I asked to marry me."
In a pleading voice she responded, "Tim, believe me my
feelings for you haven't changed; it's just that I have a
lot on my mind. Please be patient with me."
But Tim's patience ran out. The month before their scheduled
wedding day, he came over to her apartment and told her that
he wanted to call off the wedding.
She cried and pleaded with him to reconsider, promising him
that things would return to the way they were.
Then he dropped the bombshell. "Lynn, he said, it's too
late. There's someone else." Lynn couldn't believe her ears. Never in a million years would
she think that Tim would get involved with someone else while
he was engaged to her! She wanted to die. She buried her face
in her hands and began sobbing uncontrollably.
He said nothing for a while, then finally said, "I'm
sorry." Lynn felt like this was a nightmare and was hoping and praying
she would awaken soon. Finally he said, "I'm leaving now."
Before he left she blurted out, "Who is she?"
In a low voice he said, "Sharon Winters," then left.
Sharon Winters was her friend! Or so she thought. Lynn felt
anguished as she remembered all the times she had shared things
with Sharon about Tim and herself. What a mockery! How could
she do this to her? Over the next few agonizing days, Lynn's
grief smoldered into anger and she began comforting herself
with doing away with both of them. But as she was seriously contemplating murdering them, she knew she couldn't do it,
and her rage turned inward and she began thinking of suicide.
At work, which was torture for her in her state of mind, she
began taking a pill here and there and saving them for the
"big night" in which she planned on ending her misery.
When that night came, she emptied the pill bottle she had
next to the glass of water on her nightstand.
As she stared at them, knowing she would be in heaven before
morning, she decided to read her Bible one last time. "Oh
God," she cried, in an anguished voice, "I am so
sorry. I'm sorry I fell away from You. I'm sorry I didn't
talk to Maria. And I'm sorry I'm doing this. But God, I can't
live with this pain. It's too much too bear!"
She buried her face in her pillow and wept so hard and so
long, she had to sit up to catch her breath. After she was breathing normally, she reached over to take
the pills, but then she remembered she was going to read the
Bible first. She pulled her Bible from the draw in the nightstand - it
had been months since she had opened it. As she leafed through
it, she began remembering how things were before she slipped
away. She really had been happy and she had been at peace
with God and herself.
What a fool to have thrown it all away! For what? And then her mind turned to the eternal. She knew because
of what she was about to do, she would be facing the Lord
in shame. And her rewards - what about them? She turned in her Bible to Second Corinthians, chapter five,
and read verse ten where it speaks of the judgment for all
believers. Only works done for Christ will be rewarded.
As Lynn thought of the time she had spent serving the Lord,
she knew her rewards would be few. That bothered her. The
more she thought about it, the less she wanted to go to heaven
with so few rewards.
In a tortured voice, she cried out, "please God help
me!"
After crying some more, she prayed, "Lord, if you can
still use me after all that I've done, then please help me
endure the pain. I feel like I just can't take it."
At that moment, Lynn had a feeling that everything was going
to be alright and she felt compelled to start reading the
book of Psalms.
She couldn't help but be amazed by how many verses applied
to her situation. She found herself reading certain verses
over and over again. As the hours passed, so did her feelings of hopelessness and
depression. With the rising of the sun came a day of rejoicing
for Lynn. Her heartache and sorrow had been replaced by a
joy and peace which passes understanding.
Lynn had no idea that what had happened to her this night
was even possible. A few hours earlier she was ready to take
her own life, but now she was looking forward to a future
serving God. Who wouldn't want to serve a God who comforts
the brokenhearted, strengthen the weak, and helps the despairing?
Although Lynn's circumstances had not changed, she had.
She had come home to her heavenly Father. Heaven rejoiced
and so did she! "Likewise, I say to you, there is joy in the presence
of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." (Luke 15:10)
Lynn finally fell into a deep sleep. Several hours later,
she was awakened by the ringing of her phone. Groggy, but
still elated from her experience of restored peace and joy,
she happily fumbled for the phone. "Hello," she said in a sleepy voice. "Sorry to get you up Lynn."
Lynn immediately recognized the voice of one of the nurses
she worked with.
"Oh, hi, Rhoda, how are you?" "Well, I was OK, but my mother-in-law made an unexpected
visit. Thank goodness she's only staying the night. "The reason I'm calling is to ask a favor. Is there any
way you could cover for me tonight?"
Lynn hesitated for a few seconds and then decided she would. As she drove to work that night, she started thinking of all
the changes she needed to make in her life. She had to go
back to the way things were before she fell away. That meant
getting back to her daily Bible reading and witnessing, and
of course she had to return to Bible study. She determined
the following day to call Elaine and Tony.
When she drove into the hospital parking lot, she prayed to
the Lord for help for what lay ahead.
Everything was really going well until she crossed paths with
Sharon Winters. Lynn had hoped so much the intense pain she
had previously felt in her presence would never return again.
But here it was in its full fury. With an artificial smile on her face, Sharon asked Lynn how
she was doing. It took everything Lynn had to answer. She
then hurried away and went to the nearest vacant room where
she could be alone.
After shutting the door, she raised her arm and rested her
head against it, leaning her body against the wall. She cried
for a few minutes. "Oh, God," she prayed, "please
take these feelings away from me." She had gotten such comfort the previous night when she read
Psalms where it said God heals the brokenhearted. She was
confused by her feelings. Why did she feel brokenhearted again,
if God had healed her?
Then like a flash it hit her and she almost laughed out loud.
Countless times she had changed bandages and seen horrific
wounds gradually heal. Those wounds didn't heal overnight
- there was time involved. Now she understood. After work she started thinking that perhaps she should consider
working at a different hospital. That way she wouldn't have
to face the painful reminders of her disobedience; namely
Sharon and Tim. It seemed like the logical thing to do. In
a very real sense she was starting over and it seemed reasonable
that her new beginnings should include a new job. She decided
the next day she worked, she would give her notice.
But within seconds of her decision, all the feelings of peace
she had were gone. Discouraged and disheartened, she asked
the Lord what was going on. She prayed and she read her Bible, but to no avail. "Lord,"
she asked, "why do I feel like this? Have I done something
wrong?"
She then mentally re-traced her steps. She had been at peace
before she made the decision to quit her job. It was when
she determined to get a new job that everything changed. "Lord," she prayed, "I'll do anything to have
my peace and joy back. I'll stay where I am if that's what
You want."
The moment she finished praying, she sighed a sigh of relief.
She felt like a ton of bricks had been removed from off her
shoulders; her peace and joy were restored. The next day she contacted Elaine and Tony and they wanted
to meet her for lunch. Any apprehension she had about how
they would feel about her soon vanished when she saw the love
and joy on their faces. Elaine's eyes kept welling with tears
as she kept telling Lynn how happy she was to see her.
There were no words of condemnation; not once did they reprove
her or put her down in any way. They didn't even ask her what
it was that had made her want to serve the Lord again.
But she felt she should tell them about what had happened
in her life since they had last seen her. With much shame and a few tears, Lynn shared her story.
She also explained what had transpired the preceding evening
when she had planned on quitting her job at North Broward
Hospital.
Tony, who was listened intently, said, "It may not make
sense to you now Lynn, why the Lord would want you to stay
there. But He obviously has a reason and probably in a short
time you'll understand. How true those words proved to be.
About three months later, when Lynn was having lunch in the
hospital cafeteria, Suzanne, a nurse who worked on the same
floor as Lynn, asked to join her at her table.
Lynn had presented the Gospel several times to her in the
past, but Suzanne had been like a brick wall. As Suzanne sat down, Lynn was praying about trying to talk
to her again, hoping for a more receptive audience. Before Lynn had a chance to broach the subject, Suzanne said,
"There's something I want to tell you."
"Sure, go ahead." "Lynn, remember when you tried to talk to me about the
Bible before? As you know, I really wasn't interested in hearing
about it. But I feel differently now. "When you broke up with Tim and got religious right afterwards,
me and a lot of the other nurses thought it was just your
way of finding comfort. But after observing you for the last
three months, we've changed our minds. You seem happier now
then you ever were when you were engaged to Tim. It's obvious
that you really do have something from God. Only God could
make a person as happy as you are...so what did you say I
have to do to go to heaven?"
After Suzanne believed in Christ to get her to heaven, Lynn
explained to Suzanne how she could have the same happiness
as she had.
As she lay in bed that night, she marvelled at the wisdom
of God. Oh, that she might always trust Him and never lose
sight that God promises to work all things together for good
for those believers who love God.
GOD’S WISDOM
Before we trusted Christ as our Savior, it made sense to us
that good people went to heaven and bad people went to hell.
At that time what we didn't understand was that from God's
viewpoint there is no such thing as a good person. Romans
3:12, says, "All have turned aside, together they have
gone wrong; no one does good, not even one." If we could
have made it heaven by being good then Christ's death would
have been unnecessary (Galatians 3:21). It is because we can
do absolutely nothing to get ourselves to heaven that God
came to earth and paid our way. Because all the work needed
to get us to heaven was accomplished by the Lord Jesus Christ,
the only condition to go to heaven is to believe in Him. He
said, "...he who believes in Me has everlasting life"
(John 6:47).
When a person understands and believes this message then he
sees the wisdom of God demonstrated in the death of Christ.
But to those who reject this message of salvation by faith
alone, God's wisdom is nonsense. To them it makes sense that
only people who are worthy should be allowed to enter heaven.
So you see, the world has a way of looking at things that
is completely contrary to the way God sees things. And the
way we are to determine what is God's wisdom is to look in
His Word, the Bible.
In the Bible, God not only tells us how to go to heaven, but
He also tells us how He wants us to live our lives after we
have become His children. His will is for all those who have
trusted Christ as their Savior to become His servants. And
if you are going to serve the Lord you are going to have to
govern your life by a whole different set of principles than
those who aren't serving the Lord. Because of that you'll
think and behave in a way foreign to this world's way of thinking
and behaving.
For instance, it is a common assumption that everyone is God's
child, but if a person desires to serve the Lord, he must
agree with Scripture that the real truth is that everyone
by nature is a child of Satan (Ephesians 2:1-3). And because
every person is born into this world as a child of the devil,
there has to be a new birth in order for someone to become
a member of the family of God. If a person is never born again,
he is headed for an eternity separated from God in the lake
of fire.
The Bible also explains that there are two spiritual kingdoms
that exist; the kingdom of God and the domain of Satan. When
a person trusts Christ as his Savior, he is removed from the
domain of Satan into the kingdom of God and while this truth
guarantees a change in one's destiny, it does not guarantee
a change in one's lifestyle.
In other words, although all who trust Christ as their Savior
are children of God and thus assured of going to heaven, all
are not assured of experiencing a changed life. The reason
for this is because having a changed life is conditioned upon
the works of the believer, whereas having eternal life is
conditioned upon the work accomplished by Christ on the cross.
Going to heaven requires nothing from the receiver; the gift
of eternal comes by having faith in Christ. But those believers
who wish to experience a changed life must respond to God
in obedience. If a believer fails to obey God, his life will
never change.
Rather than teaching that a believer's life will automatically
change, the Bible teaches that there are some great obstacles
to be faced by all those who wish to experience a changed
life. In other words, becoming a godly person doesn't come
naturally. The reason for this is because the fallen nature
that we were born with was not changed or eradicated when
we trusted Christ as our Savior. You see, the believer is
a person who has two natures a carnal nature and a spiritual
nature. We were born with our carnal nature and it is this
nature that is responsible for our sinful desires. But we
are given a spiritual nature when we are born into God's family
and this nature is perfect.
Every believer has a choice of yielding to one nature or the
other. When a person lives for himself and this world, then
he is yielding to his carnal nature. But if a believer lives
his life for God, then he is yielding to his spiritual nature.
Even though one's eternal destiny can never be affected by
what the believer does, he must live with the consequences
of the choices he makes. It says in Romans 8:6 that "to
be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded
is life and peace." When it says the consequence of being
carnally minded is death, it isn't speaking of physical death
(even though ultimately it could result in that), but rather
spiritual death. You see, the word "death" means
"separation." And although a believer can never
be separated from God in hell, he can be separated from God's
fellowship here on earth.
God longs to have a close, intimate relationship with His
children. But a friendship with God can come only as a result
of obedience to God. Jesus said, "You are My friends,
if you do whatever I command you."
The Lord not only wants what is best for us but He knows what
is best for us, and He has told us in the Bible how to live
our lives so that we can experience an abundant life filled
with joy and peace. But this comes only as a result of yielding
to God. He said, "to be spiritually minded is life and
peace."
On the other hand, we can choose to reject God and His plan
for our lives and follow our own pursuit of happiness. There
is much in this world that looks very attractive but in reality
is very ugly because it pulls us away from our devotion to
God.
So what may appear good and harmless in the world's eyes can
in fact be a delusion of Satan. To understand this, let's
look at the first mention of Satan in the Bible.
When Eve was in the Garden of Eden she had been warned by
God not to eat from a certain tree because if she did she
would die. You may question then, why did she eat from that
tree since she was fully aware of what would happen if she
did?
The answer is that she listened to Satan's lies.
And what exactly were his lies? That if she ate from the tree
she wouldn't die and she would be like God because she would
know both good and evil.
Let's look at these lies more closely. God had told her that
she would die if she ate from the tree, and Satan had told
her she wouldn't, so Satan's first lie was that God was a
liar.
The second lie was a bit more deceptive. Satan told her, in
essence, that God was trying to hold something good back from
her and Adam by not letting them eat from that tree. It was
true that they would gain a knowledge of good and evil by
eating it, but what Satan didn't tell them is that untold
heartache and grief would come into their lives as a result
of having that knowledge.
Unfortunately, Eve listened to Satan and, with his lies in
mind, she took another look at the forbidden fruit. What had
once been considered "off limits" became to her
a legitimate means of gaining wisdom. She fell for the lie
that she could gain something good apart from God. It says
that "when the woman saw that the tree was good for food,
and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired
to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat,
and gave also unto her husband with her: and he did eat"
(Genesis 3:6). And the human race hasn't stopped suffering
since.
Oh, if only people could realize that sin always has a price
tag! For Adam and Eve the price tag was having a perfect body
which was not subject to sickness or death become a body that
was subject to pain and disease and finally death. It meant
the end of a perfect world, a world in which unhappiness and
suffering didn't exist.
And the plan of Satan to wreck havoc with God's creatures
didn't end there. Satan was not cast into hell after he had
deceived Adam and Eve. According to the Bible he is presently
working in the lives of both unbelievers and believers.
Satan knows that his final destination is hell, but apparently
his goal is to take as many humans with him as possible. There
is only one message that can save a person from this fate:
it is the Gospel of our salvation that the Lord Jesus paid
for our sins and offers any who would believe in Him the gift
of eternal life.
According to the Bible, Satan is blinding
men's minds to this message. Satan wants people to think they
have to be good to go to heaven. Any believer who decides to serve the Lord will be working
against Satan, because in order to serve God a believer has
to be sharing the message that being good will not get a person
to heaven. For this reason Satan is trying to keep those who
share the Gospel from doing so.
One of his main methods of alluring believers away from the
Lord is to appeal to their desires for the things of this
world. Just as Eve listened to Satan and ate the forbidden
fruit, we can also listen to the lies of Satan and eat of
a forbidden fruit.
The "forbidden fruit" for the Christian is the world
and for many it is too tempting to resist. Let's look at the
Bible to see exactly what the "world" is. First John 2:16, says, "For all that is in the world,
the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride
of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. Let's look at these three things more closely so that you
can determine whether you are of the world or of God.
LUST OF THE FLESH
This not only includes immorality, witchcraft, hatred, and
the misuse of alcohol and drugs but also anything that appeals
to our sinful nature. Some good questions to ask yourself to determine if you are
living to fulfill the lusts or desires of the flesh are:
How much time do you spend watching T.V. and reading magazines
rather than studying the Bible?
Do you spend all your income on yourself or do you devote
part of it towards furthering the cause of Christ?
How many people are you reaching with the Gospel?
Do you consider anything more important than serving God?
If you think anything is more important than serving God
and if your life is not devoted to doing His will, then you
are a person who is fulfilling the lusts of the flesh.
LUST OF THE EYES
This is what appeals to our visual senses. The tenth commandment
is "Thou shalt not covet.." (Exodus 20:17). When
you desire something that belongs to someone else then you
are guilty of the sin of coveting. But coveting has a much
broader definition than this. It is the desire for anything
that is outside the will of God.
You should ask yourself these questions to determine if you
are a covetous person.
Is it important to you to have "things?"
Do you envy people for what they have and are you living
your life with the goal of getting the things they have?
Are you satisfied with what you have?
The Lord says "Let your manner of life be without covetousness
and be content with such things as ye have.." (Hebrews
13:5). So if you are not content with what you have or if
you are living to have what appeals to your visual senses,
then you are a covetous person and are of the world.
PRIDE OF LIFE
This is what appeals to our vanity. If you are wondering if
you fit into this category, please ask yourself:
Are you always trying to please yourself?
Is it your concern to look good in people's eyes rather
than in God's eyes? Is your goal in life to be famous and/or popular?
If you answered "yes" to any of the above, then
you are motivated by the pride of life. But being worldly isn't restricted simply to those who chase
after the things of this world. Did you realize that you could
be religious and still be of the world? If a person thinks
well of himself and likes others to be impressed with how
"good" he is, then his motive in doing good is not
to bring glory to God but rather to himself. That is the pride
of life.
There are so many things in this world to distract us from
our true purpose in life so that God has very little, if any,
place of prominence in our lives. If this is your situation, I ask you to pause and reflect
on the choice you have made. Before you buy Satan's lies I
plead with you to look at the price you eventually are going
to have to pay. If you live for this world you are cutting
yourself off from God's help, blessings, direction, and friendship.
You are forfeiting eternal rewards for that which is fleeting
and temporary. And you have placed yourself in a position
where the Lord will be forced to bring some sort of disciplinary
action into your life.
God wants you to "Set your affection on things above,
not on things on the earth" (Colossians 3:2). Maybe you have never looked at it this way before, but if
you choose the world above God then you despise God. Jesus
said, "No man can serve two masters, for either he will
hate the one and love the other: or else he will hold to the
one, and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon
(riches)" (Matthew 6:24).
When a person serves God then he hates the world, but if he
loves the world then he hates God. First John 2:15, says,
"Love not the world, neither the things of the world.
If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in
him."
If you have ever suffered the heartache that comes from loving
someone who didn't love you in return, then maybe you have
an idea of how much a child of God can hurt his Heavenly Father
with his infatuation with the world.
I pray that all who are reading these words would choose to
have the love of the Father in their hearts rather than the
love of this world.
So you see it is only those who make the choice to turn away
from the world and live for God who will have a changed life.
In virtue of what God has done for us and all that He offers
us if we do serve Him, the reasonable decision is to dedicate
your life to God.
"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies
of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy
and acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. Do
not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing
of your mind, that you may discover what is that good and
acceptable and perfect will of God" (Roman 12:1,2)
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